This is golden advice I promise, one I have given to many a friend which unfortunately always falls on deaf ears. Its like those seeds in the parable of the sower in Matthew 13 that fell on rocky ground. The seeds that wanted to spring up and they did, but because their roots had not gone deep enough, when the sun came up, it burnt the young plants and dried them up. The rocky ground wasn’t good enough because it didn’t have good soil.
The things affecting the goodness in the soil of the hearts of my friends and most girls, preventing my words from taking root are:
- The naivety in the hearts of normal human beings that just want to be loved.
- The veiled treats made by those stories, pamphlets and testimonies about girls who refused to date broke guys but later had to gnash their teeth in regret. This is because those broke guys, hallelujah! rose up to become billionaires.
Honestly the second thing has put more fear and gotten more girls for broke guys than love ever did but…c’est la vie.
Back then, every time I advised against dating a broke guy, I was hit with statements of shock. Mostly because my friends and most people that know me, know I see no value in materialism. So my advice seemed like a contradiction or that’s what I told myself to console the many failures to heed it. But in hindsight, I am sure they thought I was joking or said it for some kind of comic relief.
I have seen the damaging danger of acquiring money. By this I mean the damage in having too much of it with no purpose to share and spread it to increase value all around. Truly, if I knew for sure I was going to survive an erupted volcano (We have dormant ones on the plateau) and had to save two things outside my family, it would be my laptop (Writer struggles, its like an appendage) and Ipod (Music is life!), end of story. So this is really not about the money or material things.
What is it about then? Well, I am glad you ask.
It is about the value I have seen men place on themselves and by extension, on the things they surround themselves with; based only on the amount of money they have.
Don’t forget I used to be the Mayor of the friend zone, so therefore, I am an authority on this. Like I have said many times, when you are the Mayor of that prestigious establishment, you get told eh.ver.reey.thing. It is a zone of trust and honesty.
In the friends zone, I learnt that most guys’ value and confidence lies in their pockets, bank accounts, designer clothes and accessories. Growing up, I use to think designer things were items guys killed themselves to buy; I didn’t know any girl struggling to buy designer products. Times have changed somewhat but in my teenage and early adult years, this was the case.
Anyway, the above mentioned things are what I found were very important to guys as it relates to interfacing with the world and getting a girl.
Wait, did you think guys placed their value on their intelligence? How many swaggered out geeks do you see running the streets and chatting up girls? And good looking guys mainly use their physical attributes as a shield for deception. It gives them the confidence to walk up to a girl but watch them crumble when in that same moment, a guy with more money starts talking to the same girl.
Now in relation to what they have in their pockets, most broke guys date in two main ways:
a) According to their present level: Which means the girl is also broke and in their minds, has not seen any better. This means she won’t make them feel bad and would be appreciative of whatever they have to offer.
b) According to the level they aspire to: This is the category belonging to the leeches and self-disrespecting guys. The funny thing is, it is majorly good looking guys in this category. Remember no money, zero confidence but their looks gives them enough confidence to chat the girl up and bamboozle her. And the truth is most girls have a weakness for good looking guys.
And it is based on this that I tell my friends never date a broke guy because it is either he is:
a) Managing with you according to his present condition or…
b) Using you to elevate himself. And this means if he gets elevated beyond where you are, you are suddenly not going to be good enough because such guys only keep aiming higher.
I’m sure someone is now saying, so Ulan what do you mean, you money monger? Broke guys are not entitled to love and relationships or what?
Of course they are entitled and I have personally dated one or two or three broke guys. Who am I kidding, I have dated mainly broke to ‘okay’ as we say here, guys. This I know again in hindsight is the reason most people do not take me seriously when I give my golden advice; I seem to be leading the cause for dating broke guys.
But, if it helps, this is kind of my criteria for selection.
- He wasn’t really born broke or hasn’t really been broke all his life but has fallen on hard times. In my mind this gives him a range of understanding about what money is and how useful it can be. KEY CHARACTER TO NOTE: Be sure he is not in denial of his current state and living on past glory or struggling with a chip on his shoulder.
- The purpose of his life is clear to him and he is working towards it. This is always very clear in how he prioritizes his time with you, with his guys and with the things he is working towards. KEY CHARACTER TO NOTE: Playing around when there is career-furthering work to be done is not even an option.
- He may like to look good or totally not care about it but he is not fussy about how he presents himself in public. KEY CHARACTER TO NOTE: He works with what he has and keeps it moving.
- This relates to (3). He is also not fussy about how you look or present yourself in public and raises an eyebrow when it looks like you are trying to present yourself above your means.
This is just a few of the things I note off the bat but as an analysis guru, trust I take it a lot further than that.
I know most people may not agree with me but ladies, just listen to this; when next a broke guy asks you out and a gut feeling arises that tells you not to go there; ignore that guilt grenade pamphlet of ‘date a broke guy, because broke becomes billionaire’ message and please before gambling with your time, drop the pamphlet, go round your neighborhood and do a survey of girls that got dumped the moment their boyfriends ‘made it’ and I bet you that number will banish all your guilt away…
…Or you can just call me, I will give you tons of numbers for your personal reference.