Giving up on Your dream? You need to read this!

The right kind of wake up call!

Being1nsane

Giving up on a dream edit

Scared? Nervous ? And uncertain? Yes, for sure.

Because you have this crazyyy idea stuck in your head and somewhere an unrealistic part of you is ever believing it can come true. Stupid stupid part. That part doesnt know what will happen if you fail right? I mean yeah its not going to be the one facing rejection. How about you forget about all that for a second now?

Now think of where you want to be, where you will be if you take up on that crazy idea in your head and work like a dog on it. Think of how you will be proud of yourself, think of the satisfaction, think of the success of your dream. Now see where you are right now. On the first step, with this dull ache in your heart because you are not where you just imagined to be, where you…

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What does ‘nice’ really mean?

There is a popular Nigerian saying, ‘one man’s meat is another man’s poison’. I don’t know if this saying has it origins here but we use it quite a lot. And it has never really held any true meaning for me until recently.

Apparently in this part of the world, nice means different things to different people. When someone tells you a person is nice, take it with a grain of salt and do not assume to know what that entails. If you think there is a blanket meaning for ‘nice’, you would end up being totally disappointed; like I have been on many occasions. Allow me to tell you about two of those occasions.

The first time was when someone told me, “you should get to know him, he is a nice guy.”

This “nice guy” on our very first day conversing, spoke to me like I was some property he bought at the market. He didn’t bother to introduce himself when I picked up the phone. He just plunged into questioning and wondering why my phone was engaged for as long as it was when he tried calling me earlier. I stared at my phone in confusion as I wondered if it was one of my friends playing a prank on me. This must be Muhammad I thought, he is always putting on fake accents and mannerism just to get me. Alas, it wasn’t him.

Naturally, that was to be our second to the last conversation, for which I was attacked.

“You should have given him a chance, he is a really nice guy.”

Nothing about his manner of approach was nice but I felt, I may have missed something. So I asked and explored, what made him nice, in the other person’s opinion and it turned out, nice, disappointingly meant generous with money.

The second time happened quite recently.

Another guy was given my number (unfortunately I have do-gooder friends who seem not to know me at all) and I was told we would really click. Five days into trying to get to know each other, he says to me on the phone, like I am an unintelligent being, “You sound like you may be petite, send me your picture. Don’t send any face shot o! Send me a full bodied picture”.

My very first instinct was to say no. As a matter of fact, I thought to say a huge “No, I will not put myself up for your assessment.” but instead I said, I would check. As I was going through the little pictures I had, a lot of angry thoughts were going through my mind. Squashing them was hard but finding that I didn’t have a picture that showed me from head to toe, provided some relief. So I sent one that showed me from the waist up, at least I behaved ‘normal’ and didn’t give a lecture like I wanted to.

This relief was temporary as I instantly got a reply, ‘This is just a face picture, I want full bodied o!’. This was accompanied by four baffling crying emoticons and my reaction was  immediate disgust. My reply was an adamant ‘that is not going to happen’ and I refused to give any explanation. I wasn’t going to waste my time on someone of that character.

This is what I told my friend ‘the connector’ who said I was thinking too hard about it because it wasn’t that bad.

Honestly, I do not have any thing against a person who owns their truth and shows they are only attracted to certain people. Lord knows, I would rather be friends with that person than a hypocrite who claims to be attracted to just about anyone and also sees beauty equally, yet seems to have only one type.

BUT, what I won’t make ‘normal’, is the presenting of myself to another human being to judge and assess whether I am worth their time, resources and energy simply by the way I look or by my body size.

So I decided to break down my thoughts and analysis of the situation to my friend. Then I gave her the messages the guy sent to read the kind of words he used, as he insisted on seeing a picture as though his next breath depend on it. She was more pissed and disgusted than I was which was so funny because moments earlier, she had said, “Eya fa, you are being too hard, he is truly a nice guy”.

This basically means he doesn’t behave like the typical Lagos guy; I won’t even go into what this means.

For me, a nice person is a very thoughtful individual who puts another’s interest, comfort and happiness before their own. The people I consider to be nice, do not assume they know what another person needs based on their own assessment of what they would need in any situation. I also consider nice people to be wise and mature. They do shockingly good not irritating things.

Maybe there is a new nice and a new normal and I missed the memo. Either way, I would rather remain uncivilized than acclimatized.

Tell me, what does nice mean to you?

 

 

Dear God, is my kind of husband only found in heaven or does he have earthly representation?

My Father in heaven,

Even though my letter is a matter of great urgency, I felt it was important to wait a few days before sending it. This is to give time for the dust that was raised from the new year crossover/night vigil prayers to settle before I ask my questions and put in my own request. Especially, as I am sure the traffic in ‘The Husband Request Department’ of heaven was alarmingly high on the night before the New year. And in my earthly thinking, I assumed it would take some time to sort through the piles and answer accordingly.

Are the requests even in piles? Or do they just fall unorganized from the hoarse throats of the unmarried into the ‘I must be married in 2016’ cabinet. Do the angels wearily take their coffee flasks around that day because they know it is going to be a long night? Or do they try to escape the marital office duty by yelling, “Never! I would rather fight a thousand legions!”, as they are being dragged by their wings and dumped unceremoniously on their seats.

Hey, YOU gave me this imagination and it didn’t come with a manual on restrictions… But before I digress too far, as my fingers are itching to, let me ask one or two final questions.

Is there really a soulmate for everyone? Why is unrequited love even a thing? Em… I am asking the second question for a friend. I have my own theories on this but it would be super duper fantastic to get a clear cut answer.

Anyways, I write because I can no longer ignore the concern in the voices of my loved ones. As it is extremely difficult to ignore someone asking you to your face, if there is any hope. These humans really have no sensor when they feel entitled to something. Like my cousin’s booming manly voice asking my sisters in Hausa,

“Wanan Ulan, dan allah, ku taimei ke ta!”.

I can only loosely translate this to, “This Ulan, because of God, you people should help her!”. The English language does not carry the weight of any language it translates but You know how heavy this statement is.

Why are they even concerned, I wonder?

It is not like I have expressly told them that I have a standard no one can meet. Or I have a type that cannot be found roaming the earth.

You and I know, I do not have a physical dream guy because they keep changing in my dreams but the character stays constant; and consistency is good… right?

However, I truly want to do my part to ease whatever fears I may be causing  but I need to know where to begin… again.

So please help all worried and concerned parties to know preferably through dreams and visions, for that potent effect, that it is going to be okay. And it will all be in good time…

Not my will but yours be done.

Your young, marriageable and sometimes ready daughter,

Ulan.

 

 

How To Look Better: The Expansion Theory.

The New Year has rolled in, diets, exercises and cleanses are underway. Even though for some of us, these measure are done in thought but not quite in deed. What can I say, sometimes these resolutions are made at low moments, when the spirit seems willing. But come the morning, when light and tranquility flood in, we decide we actually want to love ourselves rather than meet society’s set definition of beauty. So we eat the remnants of our cakes, brownies and chin-chin because life is too short, God is too good and we are already way too blessed to be stressed and … well the left overs taste better anyway.

You know by we, I mean I right? Okay, let’s continue.

So, I asked myself this question, “How can you look better in a way that is truly satisfying to you and no one else?”

And it wasn’t really hard to find the answer because I already know the things I place value on. Some of which are: knowledge, intelligence, character-defining experiences and authentic friendships. And I know in the new year I want more of these things. I want to add to the ones I already have and grow bigger and better. So to expand on what I already have, seems to me the answer to how to look better in 2016.

The twist to my answer however, which was painful to admit, was that I had stopped looking good to myself because I had lessened or altogether stopped doing things that felt very natural to me. Growing up, had made me adjust in a way that does not feel right. But its a new year and so we will renew ourselves. Once again by we, I mean I.

These are the ways I plan to add and expand myself more beautifully and be blindingly gorgeous before the year is over. I plan to:

  1. Be eager for new things and then be open minded, just like a child: but the great part is as a grown up, I now have filters and a mind of my own.
  2. Be attentive and present; it will enhance strong self disciple in this distracting world of ours. And increase my chances of getting a satisfying reward in whatever I do.
  3. Be studious, no more cursory glances but in depth study of the things that grab my attention and excite me. I believe this is how innovations happen, among other things.
  4. Believe in myself and what ever contributions I have to make to this world.

The last one is the hardest to do, because we mostly feel the need for others to validate us. And I will be bold to say, by practicing the first three things, I believe it will be easier to do the fourth.

This is because there would be such an expansion within yourself, that you might just be bursting at the seams, eager to share, create or just do something worthwhile.

There are seven billion people in the world and you are but one dot in a sea of people. People by some degree are different from one another. And dot that you are, I believe the world needs your special contribution in it.

Its true the world will not crumble without you but it will definitely be missing a piece that is yours to give.

Plan to be big enough, expand yourself and be visible. Most importantly believe you are too important to be left out of making a mark in the world.

And lastly, once again by you, I mean me.

How do you plan on looking better this year?