The Thing I Fear More Than Death

Don’t get me wrong, the fear of death is very powerful and potent. One that can consume and drive an individual beyond the edge of reason if allowed. I know this for a fact because at a very young age, I was forced to acknowledge that death was a real part of life. After that, I struggled with insomnia and claustrophobia for a long time. I couldn’t sit at the back of a bus or a one door car and worst of all, I couldn’t give the real reason for my refusal. If my position in the car did not allow for direct contact with a window and oxygen, I just could not sit there.

Thankfully, this is no longer at the top of my fears because of my Christian journey. When the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. I laid my fears at the feet of Jesus and through the word in the bible, this fear has  been laid to rest; pun intended.

Mr Happy via

So what could be more fearfully than dying you may wonder. Well this one begins with an encounter with Greek Mythology; the story of Narcissus.

Narcissus was know for his beauty and no one argued with that. Some people say I am pretty but mostly I hear that I am cute and I believe all these people; so no arguments here. Mainly because these people have nothing to gain. Now if I was the President’s daughter or some oil magnate’s wife; I might be a little suspicious. But when you are a writer and the best you can do is edit or critique application essays, it is safe to assume that the truth is being told.

On the other hand, this is my own test for how pretty I am.

1) I walk down the road or into a room full of people.
2) Carefully examine the look on their faces: do they recoil in horror? Are they immediately terrified?
And the most important one.
3)Count the number of people that run away as fast as they can while shielding their eyes from my face?

The answer so far has been zero. Therefore, since I have been passing my own litmus test…  #PrettyasaPicture is the verdict.


There is one thing that I have been afraid to do, which might just be the true test of my own contentment with ‘my beauty’. And this is wear FALSE LASHES. I put it in capital so you can understand that it is a big thing for me.

I have seen through weddings and social media the power of false lashes to transform a normal belle into a goddess of unspeakable proportion. Girls that look like we could be neighbors are morphed into sophisticated women who look like they would never speak to me. This generally means that their beauty looks unreal but therein lies the problem.

Extremely super duper fine with my kind of beauty is my current state of mind. I am however truly terrified to take myself to those heights only to go to bed and wake up the next day to reality. Because the process of going to bed involves washing off the illusion.

This scares me!

Especially after seeing a perfectly pretty girl feel so ugly without her makeup and eyelashes. This girl had zero confidence to look up at the camera during her before pictures. But the moment it was all piled on her, she couldn’t stop posing. This was one of the saddest situations I have ever seen.

As a resident of the head community, living on the cloudy street of thought and knowledge while searching for wisdom and discernment; I generally do not know how I feel about a situation till it practically happens to me. Right now, I love my look but what happens when an artificial and “better” alternative is presented? How content will I be with reality after that? I do not want to know.

It is bad enough that beauty is being redefined through all these carefully curated pictures online. There are a lot of pretty girls who do not feel good enough because of these images. And a lot of confused guys who cannot date good looking girls because a new standard is being created for them.

I would rather stay on my side of the line and not cross it. Maybe I am so centered that wearing FALSE LASHES makes no difference to my life, maybe I am not, maybe one day I find out. But until then, my face remains a no FALSE LASHES zone..

Narcissus knew he was beautiful but didn’t know the extent of it till Nemesis attracted him to a pool where he could see his reflection. There Narcissus fell in love with the reflection not realizing it was just an image. He obsessed over this image and couldn’t leave it alone. As a result, he lost his will to live and basically stared at himself till he died.

The pictures, Instagram and all that are just images and reflections; reality on the other hand will always be different from these. Sadly, the line of truth when it comes to this is gradually being blurred.

So tell me honesty, how did you feel when you wore your first false lash and what was your immediate reaction to your make-up free face after it was taken off?

I am terribly interested.


9 Comments Add yours

  1. Umar Turaki says:

    Our phone screens and the images they advertise – of our world and ourselves – are slowly taking over our lives. We need to relearn how to look at the naked world with our naked eyes, so we can learn to see true beauty again. Come to think of it, the phone screen is the new mirror-mirror on the wall. And I’ve unfortunately never used lashes, so can’t answer your final question.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. And may you never try them. That would be too disturbing :-). I really hope we learn to see true beauty all the time and not limit ourselves.


  2. Foam·skee says:

    I’m like you. Never fixed fake lashes and don’t intend to. Social media can be deceiving too.


    1. Really deceiving indeed. Thank God I am not alone.


  3. Tchaliyah says:

    I will tell you. When I wore my first fake lash I was elated, I looked like the goddess of the dry dam in my village, and anytime I closed my eyes I never wanted to open them, not because I didn’t want to gaze upon the beauty of the world, but because they also made my eyes heavy, so I had to force myself awake from that dream. 😂😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahahaha! This is too funny. So they are heavy too, who knew.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Tchaliyah says:

    I don’t know oh, I have heard it is so. That was just my imagination 😄. my dreams never go in the direction of appearances. LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve never fixed lashes either……I think of a cow anytime I see it. Plus sometimes it poorly fixed? attached? glued?……whats the appropriate term here and the blobs of glue makes the entire eye so hideous to behold. However, I think of times I make my hair with extensions or weaves and how I feel satisfied with my new look. Then I take it off and all I can think of is when I am going to make my hair again.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, a cow! That is a strange but understandable reaction; they do have long lashes.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s